{"id":1018,"date":"2014-01-13T14:19:10","date_gmt":"2014-01-13T19:19:10","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/swirlingpetals.com\/?p=1018"},"modified":"2020-05-15T10:24:02","modified_gmt":"2020-05-15T14:24:02","slug":"shattered-bonds-13","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/swirlingpetals.com\/?p=1018","title":{"rendered":"Shattered Bonds 13"},"content":{"rendered":"

Shattered Bonds 13 \u2014 Finding Sasuke, Again \u00a0<\/strong><\/p>\n

Author’s Note:<\/strong> I don’t know if I’ve published early copies of this story here or not (looking back through my posts, I don’t think I have) but here’s an early copy of the next chapter! I’ll post it on ff.net on Friday. Enjoy!<\/em><\/p>\n

\n

Naruto\u2014<\/em><\/p>\n

I hope you actually read this, and don\u2019t just ball it up and throw it in the trash.<\/em><\/p>\n

It\u2019s hard to admit, but I think I\u2019ve been lost. For a while, actually. I don\u2019t know if you\u2019ll understand \u2014\u00a0 you\u2019ve always seemed to know exactly what you\u2019ve wanted and gone for it unerringly. But I think, somewhere a long the way, I lost sight of what was important.<\/em><\/p>\n

I started on this road before we were even a team. I planned out every aspect of what I was going to do, how I was going to gain power and avenge my clan. And I did everything I\u2019d set out to do.<\/em><\/p>\n

But when I came to the end of the road that I\u2019d worked so hard to get down, when my goal was complete, I found out that it was just a dead end. It offered me no peace.<\/em><\/p>\n

So I started thinking back, going over all the incidents in my life, all the things I\u2019d overcome, going back and back, before my life was consumed by revenge and hatred and lust for power. I went back, trying to remember what made me happy, whole.<\/em><\/p>\n

It was pathetic really. I discovered that, after everything I\u2019d accomplished, the things that made me happy weren\u2019t really things at all. It was people and experiences. I realized the one thing that made me happy was the one thing I\u2019d been running from all along. Being a part of Team 7. Being in Konoha and doing stupid crap, pulling weeds, eating ramen. Even going on missions and still being so weak and young was better, had more heart and soul in it, than all the things I did with my newly acquired powers.<\/em><\/p>\n

I discovered that it was after I\u2019d left the village that things started to go downhill. I achieved my goals, but each one came at a cost. I ignored it at first, thinking that it was the way gaining power and experience and maturity must feel.<\/em><\/p>\n

But the greater the gains, the more I felt like he was hardening inside. I stopped caring about the reasons why I was on this mission. By the time I got to Itachi, I wasn\u2019t killing him for my mother or father. I barely even thought about them. I was killing Itachi for myself. Because there was nothing else in my life I wanted more.<\/em><\/p>\n

And when I\u2019d done it, there really was nothing else I wanted.<\/em><\/p>\n

And that\u2019s when I realized maybe the path I\u2019d been on had been the wrong one.<\/em><\/p>\n

It took me a while to figure it out. It didn\u2019t happen overnight. But slowly I realized that I had nothing in common with the team I\u2019d built. I never quite fit, but I thought I\u2019d get over it, that it would get better. But it never did. We traveled together, encountered different foes, but it never felt like a unit. Not like it had when we were kids.<\/em><\/p>\n

Not until we overnighted in some far-flung village did something happen that showed me I couldn\u2019t go on.<\/em><\/p>\n

We killed a foreign genin team, mistakenly thinking they were Akatsuki\u2019s or Kabuto\u2019s underlings tracking us, or hunter nins from any of the countries my team were from. We could never take chances. We were all wanted, by many places and for many reasons<\/em><\/p>\n

As soon as the genins were discovered they split and fled through the forest. It was pitch black and they were wearing black cloaks in an area where Akatsuki had frequented. Each of my team took one assailant and ran them to ground. I thought because they split they were sharp nins, confident in their own strength. But I know now they were just scared kids, not thinking and staying together where they would have more power.<\/em><\/p>\n

I realized my mark was a genin only moments before the kunai hit him. He leapt to a branch, but his chakra wasn\u2019t solid enough to keep his foot on the limb. His chakra sputtered and he flailed. I knew it right then, but my aim was true. I took him with a single blow, the kunai driving in just deep enough to pierce his heart. He was dead before he hit the ground.<\/em><\/p>\n

When I pulled back his hood, he looked like\u2026you. Pale hair going everywhere, big eyes. There almost looked like there was a smile on his stupid face. Almost. What did it matter. He was dead. I\u2019d killed him.<\/em><\/p>\n

The rest of the team brought their marks to the meeting place. Two boys, light and dark haired, and a girl. All dead. Everyone was quiet, realizing that we\u2019d killed a bunch of kids. We cleaned up and moved on, but I didn\u2019t. Not inside.<\/em><\/p>\n

I realized then that I had killed us. Our team. Hadn\u2019t I already done it once when I was younger by leaving Team 7? Now I\u2019d done it again. But this time, I\u2019d become like my brother. I was the hunter. I was creating the cycle of vengeance now. Killing Itachi hadn\u2019t resolved anything. It had only made things worse.<\/em><\/p>\n

I\u2019d hit a dead end. That\u2019s when I realized I couldn\u2019t go on. I couldn\u2019t fight any longer. I couldn\u2019t be like Itachi. Not for another day.<\/em><\/p>\n

I didn\u2019t know what I wanted, but I knew I didn\u2019t want this life. So one night, while the rest of my team slept, I left.<\/em><\/p>\n

I wandered for a long time, not knowing what to do. But it still wasn\u2019t safe, and I knew I\u2019d end up having to kill again, if just for self defense. Yes, I was wanted as a nukenin and a criminal, but I discovered my eyes made me a very valuable asset for other countries. I was seen as a weapon, by everyone from the Akatsuki to the governments of the five nations.<\/em><\/p>\n

The only place that had never treated me as such was Konoha. I was allowed to grow there. I was supported and protected. It was then that I started to understand exactly what I\u2019d thrown away in my youth.<\/em><\/p>\n

But returning now would just land me in a Konoha jail cell \u2014 not an appealing option either, although at least there I knew they wouldn\u2019t strip me of my eyes or force me to fight for them. You were still there. So I had hope for the rest of them. If you were still there, then it was still the Konoha I knew. I was sure of that.<\/em><\/p>\n

Time passed, and I learned that there was no safe port for me. I had traveled alone, eating where I could, sleeping rarely, when I came across your chakra signature. I thought it was a mirage. A product of an empty stomach or a sleep-starved mind. But no, I checked again and again. I knew it like mine own, a chakra that was so familiar I couldn\u2019t believe I\u2019d forgotten it. So I tracked you down.<\/em><\/p>\n

I figured even if you killed me in surprise it would be a better death than dying at the hands of a hunter nin or in some foreign jail cell waiting for them to use me or kill me.<\/em><\/p>\n

So I took a chance. Just to see you. Then I\u2019d tell you how much I\u2019d fucked everything up. And that the things I thought were true were not, and that the plans I\u2019d made had all failed and that really, I was wrong. I had wasted so much time chasing after ghosts, that I\u2019d missed the friend that was right in front of me.<\/em><\/p>\n

I should have never left. I should have listened to you and Sakura and Kakashi. My way was never the right way. But I was too stubborn to see anything else. So I had to learn the hard way how wrong I really was.<\/em><\/p>\n

But\u2026I didn\u2019t say any of that.<\/em><\/p>\n

In fact, I don\u2019t think I said anything at all. You didn\u2019t kill me, which was a good thing, but I found that just being there, finally in front of the one person who would understand me, I was too scared to say anything at all. Or too stupid.<\/em><\/p>\n

I was just\u2026exhausted. Physically and emotionally.<\/em><\/p>\n

All I remember was that I wanted to sleep. That I\u2019d finally put my burden down. That I was safe, at least for a little while. That I knew you, and if anyone attacked, you\u2019d have my back. Even now. Because that\u2019s the type of person you are, even though I hadn\u2019t been there for you as I should have been.<\/em><\/p>\n

And when I woke up it was like I saw everything differently. The path was before me, if I was brave enough to take it. Konoha might throw me in jail, but it was a better fate than this. Being in a prison without walls and always worrying that one misstep and I\u2019d end up on some table with my eyes being used as weapons against the people I had once sworn to protect.<\/em><\/p>\n

So I came home. And you saved me a second time by coming up with that crazy story about fighting together. Tsunade saw right through you, dumbass. But that you all still believed in me enough to accept me back, after going the wrong direction for so long, is a gift I\u2019ll always be grateful for.<\/em><\/p>\n

I know it\u2019s been hard, coming back and not diving right into Team 7, but I don\u2019t want to make the same mistakes again. Fighting for the wrong reasons. Tsunade said to give it some time and that things will work themselves out, and I hope that\u2019s true. I know from my own life that sometimes time is the only teacher that hard-heads like me\u2026and you\u2026will accept.<\/em><\/p>\n

I\u2019m leaving now, but I\u2019m not giving up on my village again. It works better for everyone this way if I move around a bit for a while. Keeps the council happy, because they really did want to throw me in jail. Now they can ignore that fact that they really don\u2019t have any control over Tsunade at all. I have an Anbu detail. I work at the pleasure of the Hokage and report directly to her. I\u2019m a diplomat with benefits, specifically that I am her eyes and ears in places where she cannot go. I have found a path I\u2019m happy being on.<\/em><\/p>\n

I\u2019ll be back soon, I\u2019m only assigned for a few months at a time, so we\u2019ll get some ramen when I get back. Maybe then I\u2019ll have gotten better about saying all this to your stupid face. Maybe\u2026but don\u2019t hold your breath.<\/em><\/p>\n

Until then, I\u2019m glad to count myself as part of Team 7. The only true team I\u2019ve ever known.<\/em><\/p>\n

\u2014Sasuke<\/em><\/p>\n

Naruto crushed the letter to his chest. In one breath, the anger that he\u2019d built up against Sasuke since his return rushed out. He saw his friend with clear eyes. And the hope and bond that he felt when Sasuke first tumbled out of the woods at the campfire all those long nights ago came back to him. This was his friend, his brother, his teammate. How could he have been so blind.<\/p>\n

Naruto had spent months knocking around Konoha trying to find his way. He\u2019d put all his energy into having things go according to his plan, a plan which he thought was best for everyone. But it turned out his most cherished people didn\u2019t want it. And now he wasn\u2019t sure if he even wanted those carefully crafted plans.<\/p>\n

He pulled the letter back and shook his head at it in disbelief. He had been foolish and stubborn. He had spent months running away from the one person that would\u2019ve understood him perfectly \u2014 Sasuke.<\/p>\n

A dead end. That was what Sasuke called it. Yeah, Naruto felt like he was at a dead end. And he had no idea what to do about it. Where to go next. But Sasuke would know. He\u2019d lived through it.<\/p>\n

Tsunade couldn\u2019t understand. She had the concerns of a nation on her shoulders. And Kakashi and Team 8 and all their other friends just expected him to get over it, move on, just be cheerful and upbeat like he always had. But he didn\u2019t know how to this time. Only Sasuke would understand. He needed to find Sasuke. See him. Talk to him.<\/p>\n

With every breath, Naruto grew more certain of this course of action. He shoved the letter back into the envelop, not bothering to pluck out the stray pink note that had fallen in with it, and jammed the drawer closed.<\/p>\n

It was the middle of the night, but Naruto felt as energized as if it were dawn. He knew what he had to do, and he didn\u2019t want to lose a moment in starting out, especially since he only had two weeks of leave time left. It may not be enough to track Sasuke down, especially if he didn\u2019t want to be found.<\/p>\n

Naruto changed into fresh fatigues, splashed some water on his face and snapped on his kunai holsters and weapons pouches. Tightening the laces to his boots, he decided not to ask permission first \u2014 he didn\u2019t want to wait the extra hours till dawn to go to the Hokage\u2019s office and fill out the proper and required<\/i> leave forms \u2014 he\u2019d just apologize later. Naruto grabbed a sheet of paper, dashed off a quick note and left it on his table in case Kakashi came looking for him.<\/p>\n

Shutting the door firmly behind him, Naruto got a few steps down the landing before turning back suddenly. He took his spare key out of his pocket and slid it back into the empty spot above the door moulding. Then, feeling more hopeful than he had in months, he launched into Konoha\u2019s night.<\/p>\n

\n

One week later, a ragged, tired and hungry Naruto stumbled into a clearing in an Earth Country forest. Heaving and pale, he collapsed next to the low campfire burning in the center.<\/p>\n

But the single occupant of the fire circle didn\u2019t even bat an eyelid. \u201cYou look like shit.\u201d He took another bite from his skewered meat, pulled a second skewer from the rose-plated ashes and held it out.<\/p>\n

Naruto blinked, looking from the steaming meat to the smooth face of of his long-sought friend and back again.<\/p>\n

Sasuke hitched a single eyebrow. \u201cI saved you some,\u201d he said in the same unconcerned tone. \u201cDon\u2019t tell me you\u2019re too tired to eat now that you\u2019ve come all this way\u2014\u201c<\/p>\n

Naruto rubbed his growling stomach and panted, \u201cHow\u2014 How\u2014 How did you know? How did you know I was here? I\u2019ve looked everywhere for you\u2014 Chased so many false trails\u2014\u201c<\/p>\n

A black figure broke through the treeline. Naruto looked up and recognized the white masked person as an Anbu agent from Konoha. Sasuke raised a hand in the air, communicating that everything was under control, and the Anbu agent disappeared into the darkness again.<\/p>\n

Sasuke waggled the skewered meat at Naruto, tempting him. Naruto\u2019s stomach growled loudly, prompting another grimace before he scooted over to take the offered food. Naruto savored each bite then looked over the empty skewer, still chewing, and eyed his friend. Sasuke smirked back.<\/p>\n

\u201cFalse trails are this Anbu agent\u2019s specialty. That\u2019s why he was assigned to me. He creates ghost impressions on the landscape\u2014\u201c<\/p>\n

\u201cYeah,\u201d Naruto grumbled, \u201cthat turn out to be nothing at all. You don\u2019t have to tell me about it.\u201d<\/p>\n

Sasuke smirked again. \u201cWe knew you were on our trail about a day ago when you tripped his chakra line. Next time you\u2019re hunting someone, you might want to keep your chakra better concealed. You\u2019re about a subtle as a flare gun.\u201d<\/p>\n

Naruto scowled and threw his empty skewer into the fire.<\/p>\n

But Sasuke only smiled, proving that the good natured ribbing was as warming to the soul as the camp fire was in the dark solitude of a foreign forest.<\/p>\n

\u201cI\u2019m glad you\u2019re here,\u201d Sasuke said, still smiling. \u201cIt\u2019s a nice surprise. I don\u2019t get many visitors. Well\u2026none<\/i>, really. What brings you out this far?\u201d<\/p>\n

Sasuke\u2019s black eyes watched Naruto, reading Naruto\u2019s face as he shuffled through his emotions. First he laughed as if it was nothing, then he bit his lip, turning inward and thinking about his reasons and how much to divulge. And when he looked up at last, Naruto\u2019s face was open and honest, free from the blustering smiles he used to keep everyone else at bay. He was simply to tired to don that mask. He had come too far to turn back now.<\/p>\n

\u201cI read your letter.\u201d<\/p>\n

Sasuke lips curved up. \u201cGood. I hoped you would. But I wasn\u2019t sure.\u201d<\/p>\n

Naruto wiped the dust from the tops of his shoes and sighed. \u201cWell, it took me a long time,\u201d he confessed with a small shrug.<\/p>\n

But Sasuke wasn\u2019t offended. He made himself comfortable and settled in to wait for his friend to come to his point, not wanting to rush him with more questions. It was clear there was something on his mind. And Sasuke could guess what it was\u2026or rather, who<\/i>. This was a conversation they\u2019d needed to have for a while.<\/p>\n

At length, Naruto blew out a long, low breath. \u201cI didn\u2019t understand you. For a long time. Why you didn\u2019t want to be a shinobi anymore. But now I think I do\u2026. I\u2019m thinking of quitting too.\u201d<\/p>\n

For the first time that night, and the first time in as long as he could remember, Sasuke was surprised. Stunned. He sat slack-jawed in the firelight for a moment.<\/p>\n

\u201cTh-That\u2019s the last thing I\u2019d ever expect to hear from you, Naruto.\u201d<\/p>\n

Naruto shrugged, defeated. \u201cYeah, well\u2026it\u2019s true. There\u2019s no other way to put it.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cWhat brought all this on?\u201d<\/p>\n

And then, surprising Sasuke and in truth, surprising Naruto himself, Naruto began explaining how he\u2019d arrived at that point, his experiences in Anbu and the words of Kakahi and Tsunade. He explained about feeling that he\u2019d gone down every path, explored every avenue open to him, but that he\u2019d still reached a dead end. He didn\u2019t have a name for it until he read Sasuke\u2019s letter.<\/p>\n

Sasuke was silent, listening to the whole thing and waiting until he was sure Naruto was finished before he spoke again. When he did speak, his words were careful and measured.<\/p>\n

\u201cI think\u2026. I think it\u2019s not that being a shinobi is wrong for you, it\u2019s that the reasons you were doing it were wrong.\u201d Naruto tipped his head, listening closely. \u201cYou built your hopes and dreams on shaky ground. On false ideas. Or maybe, immature ones. And now you\u2019ve grown up. You have to find new reasons to follow your path.\u201d<\/p>\n

Naruto bobbed his head, thinking. \u201cTsunade said something like that,\u201d he said quietly.<\/p>\n

Sasuke continued. \u201cFor me, I had always followed this path that had been set out for me, never thinking I could change. My family expected me to be a shinobi. And after they died\u2026. Well, I chased after Itachi, cutting down anyone who stood in the way of my revenge.<\/p>\n

\u201cBut I started to question if I had it all to do again, if it was my choice, and mine alone, would I choose the same path? Would I go after revenge\u2026or would I choose the life that you and Sakura had? Safe, in a village, living to protect not to harm. And after that, I just lost the taste for it all. I\u2019d had enough of killing to last a lifetime.\u201d<\/p>\n

Naruto screwed up his face in question. \u201cBut if you still want that, a life in Konoha, then what are you doing out here?\u201d<\/p>\n

Sasuke laughed. \u201cI think I got too used to moving around. So, I\u2019m protecting the village in my own way. Sending back covert information while staying on the move. It suits me right now. Eventually I\u2019ll settle down\u2026.\u201d He shrugged.<\/p>\n

\u201cLike, back in the village?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cYeah, sure. I could see myself eventually in the village, starting a family\u2026.\u201d His black eyes had sharpened on Naruto\u2019s face. This was the one topic that Naruto had been suspiciously silent on. And it was the one topic he knew they needed to clear the air about. And he was hoping they could do it without coming to blows.<\/p>\n

\u201cWell, don\u2019t stay gone too long.\u201d Naruto laughed but there was no humor in it. \u201cI don\u2019t know if Sakura\u2019s waiting for you anymore.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cSakura was never waiting for me.\u201d<\/p>\n

Naruto scoffed. But Sasuke watched him closely.<\/p>\n

\u201cI saw the way you two were together,\u201d he said, but his careless demeanor was straining. \u201cI saw the way you looked at her. You can\u2019t deny that.\u201d<\/p>\n

Sasuke\u2019s eyebrow hitched up. His mouth curled at the corners the same way it did when they were kids in training and he was leading Naruto into a trap.<\/p>\n

\u201cNo, I won\u2019t deny it. She\u2019s beautiful and strong and amazing\u2026.\u201d Naruto snapped his attention to Sasuke, that old rivalry alive in his blazing blue eyes. Sasuke smirked. \u201cI\u2019d be a fool not to be interested in her. She\u2019s forgiven me completely, and supported everything I\u2019ve done since I\u2019ve been back. She\u2019d be the perfect wife. Except\u2014\u201d<\/p>\n

Naruto looked like he wanted to jump across the fire and throttle him. \u201cYou don\u2019t know anything about her. How much she\u2019s changed since you\u2019ve been gone\u2014<\/p>\n

\u201cExcept\u2014\u201d Sasuke repeated calmly, but Naruto interrupted him again.<\/p>\n

\u201cShe\u2019s worked so hard, juggling both her shinobi and her medic duties\u2014\u201c<\/p>\n

\u201cExcept\u2014\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cShe\u2019ll outdo Tsunade one day. Baa-chan even says so! You have no idea how much she\u2019s changed! You weren\u2019t there, you didn\u2019t see her! So don\u2019t act like you know her so well, that you know everything she wants!\u201d<\/p>\n

Sasuke sat back, realizing it was pointless to reason with Naruto yet. He was still too worked up. \u201cSo what you\u2019re telling me is that she\u2019s changed.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cYes!\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cAnd what about you, Naruto? How have you changed?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI haven\u2019t changed! I don\u2019t<\/i> change! I still want the same things I did as a kid.\u201d Naruto knew he was lying, even as he said it. And that thought only made him angrier.<\/p>\n

Sasuke narrowed his eyes. \u201cBullshit. If that\u2019s the case, then what are you doing out here?\u201d<\/p>\n

Naruto stared challengingly across the fire from him. But Sasuke wasn\u2019t letting it go. They were finally getting to the heart of the matter.<\/p>\n

\u201cDid you really think I\u2019d come back and we\u2019d be genin all over again? We\u2019d start training and going off to fight? Or were you thinking that since I was home, I\u2019d pick up where I left off with Sakura? That it, isn\u2019t it? We didn\u2019t fall right in line with your plans for us. And now you\u2019re pissed!\u201d<\/p>\n

Naruto was<\/i> really pissed now. He folded his arms across his chest and sat across the fire, firelight and anger blazing in his blue eyes. He jutted out his chin and looked away, refusing to acknowledge any truth in Sasuke\u2019s words.<\/p>\n

But Sasuke\u2019s smirk only deepened. He knew Naruto wouldn\u2019t open up so readily. That\u2019d be too easy. Fortunately Sasuke knew how to reach him. He knew him like a brother.<\/p>\n

\u201cBecause of course Sakura is still madly in love with me, just the way she was at 12 years old\u2026.\u201d<\/p>\n

Naruto tightened a fist.<\/p>\n

\u201cIf people don\u2019t change,\u201d Sasuke goaded, \u201cthen why does it bother you if I come back to claim Sakura, she\u2019s amazing isn\u2019t she? And she worked so hard\u2026just for me\u2014<\/p>\n

\u201cShe didn\u2019t do it for you,\u201d Naruto growled. \u201cShe did it for herself. And you don\u2019t know anything about her. I don\u2019t care how much time you spent talking to her. It\u2019s not the same. You weren\u2019t here. You didn\u2019t see her. You didn\u2019t help her. You weren\u2019t here<\/i>. So you shouldn\u2019t just be able to walk right back in and\u2014<\/p>\n

\u201cAre you saying that you have a problem with me if I\u2019m interested in her?\u201d Naruto\u2019s answer was written all over his face. Sasuke narrowed his eyes. \u201cIf she\u2019s still the same kid I left crying at the gate, then she must have done all this for me right?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cShe did it for herself you arrogant asshole!\u201d<\/p>\n

Naruto launched across the fire. But anger and fatigue made him a terrible fighter. He flailed around, never landing a punch on Sasuke, until Sasuke neatly flipped him on his back and disabled him.<\/p>\n

\u201cYou don\u2019t deserve her,\u201d Naruto yelled up at Sasuke, struggling against his iron grip. \u201cYou don\u2019t deserve to just walk back into the village and have everything handed to you. And\u2026her<\/i>! You don\u2019t deserve her!\u201d Angry tears leaked out of the sides of his eyes.<\/p>\n

There it was, finally out in the open. Sasuke nearly sighed from relief. When Naruto stopped struggling, Sasuke scooted off, leaving Naruto lying there, staring up at the night sky through the tree branches.<\/p>\n

\u201cThe Naruto I remember when I left would never have told me off. Especially about Sakura. You\u2019ve changed too. Even though you won\u2019t admit it.\u201d<\/p>\n

He shook his head stubbornly, then sat up and dusted himself off, dashing the traitorous tears quickly away.<\/p>\n

\u201cYou\u2019re right,\u201d Sasuke said calmly, all trace of teasing gone from his voice. \u201cI don\u2019t deserve to walk back through the gates and have everything handed to me. And I don\u2019t deserve her.<\/p>\n

\u201cThe only reason I could ever come back is because I had friends who didn\u2019t give up on me. Who still accepted me no matter how much I changed.\u201d<\/p>\n

Naruto had grown still, listening finally. He propped his elbows on his knees and stared at the glowing embers of the fire.<\/p>\n

Sasuke continued. \u201cI didn\u2019t expect to come back and find a 12-year-old girl crying at the gates. And I didn\u2019t expect my best friend to still be somebody I could only connect with through petty rivalries. I\u2019ve grown up, and so have you and Sakura. I wouldn\u2019t wish it back even if I could. I want you as my ally, not my enemy. I don\u2019t want to fight any more. Not if I can help it.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cThen what about Sakura?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cWhat about Sakura, you dumbass?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI\u2019ve seen the way you look at her. Don\u2019t think I don\u2019t see it\u2014\u201c<\/p>\n

\u201cSo? What do you care? Are you still the same little kid I remember, who would just step out of the way and let me win?\u201d<\/p>\n

Naruto snorted loudly. \u201cI never let you win anything\u2014\u201c<\/p>\n

\u201cSo what about Sakura? Why haven\u2019t you gone after her? Or have you already given up?\u201d<\/p>\n

Naruto scoffed again, anger flaring. \u201cI haven\u2019t given anything up!\u201d But his anger quickly cooled. \u201cBut she doesn\u2019t feel that way. People don\u2019t change\u2014\u201c<\/p>\n

Sasuke tsked and shook his head. Naruto frowned at words, realizing it sounded more like an excuse than a fact.<\/p>\n

\u201cWe\u2019ve all changed, and if you would stop running away and looked at that, you\u2019d see she has too. But that would involve you putting yourself out there. The real you. The one that doesn\u2019t hide behind all those goofy grins.\u201d<\/p>\n

Naruto sneered petulantly, prompting a laugh from Sasuke.<\/p>\n

\u201cSakura\u2019s amazing,\u201d Sasuke continued. \u201cSo much more than I ever remembered, I admit. And if she thought about me that way, well then, I\u2019d be pretty lucky. But\u2026.\u201d Sasuke looked long and hard at Naruto. \u201cBut\u2026she doesn\u2019t. She\u2019s got a thing for another guy. I couldn\u2019t even touch it.\u201d<\/p>\n

Naruto looked away, clearly not believing him.<\/p>\n

\u201cAnd if the dumbass would ever wake up, he\u2019d see she\u2019s been right in front of him all along.\u201d<\/p>\n

Naruto looked at him, blinking. Sasuke\u2019s meaning slowly sank in. \u201cShe told me a while ago, some things, that she\u2019d changed\u2026. I\u2014 I didn\u2019t believe her. I didn\u2019t think she could feel that way. Not for me, at least. So I told her that\u2014\u201c Naruto stopped suddenly clearly not wanting to confess what he\u2019d actually said.<\/p>\n

Sakura had said \u201cI love you.\u201d But he had only responded with an \u201cI hate you.\u201d No, he shook his head, that wasn\u2019t right. \u201cI hate people who lie to themselves.\u201d But maybe he<\/i> had been lying to himself. They had all changed, and he refused to accept it.<\/p>\n

Maybe Sasuke was right. Maybe things would have gone differently if he had just put himself out there. Believed that she might have meant what she said, instead of automatically thinking the worst of her. And really the worst of himself too. Somewhere deep down he must have still believed he was second-place to Sasuke. After all, it must have taken a lot of courage for Sakura had put herself out there like that. And what did he give her? Nothing. Not even a thank you. He fisted a handful of hair, wishing he could do it all over again.<\/p>\n

Sasuke shook his head at his friend. \u201cDon\u2019t worry, you don\u2019t have to repeat it. I know what you said. You\u2019re a real idiot, you know that? But she knows it too. She said she\u2019d wait for you to come around\u2014\u201c<\/p>\n

\u201cReally? She said that?\u201d Naruto looked up, hair sticking up at all ends. Hope lit up his eyes and Sasuke nodded encouragingly. But suddenly, the light went dim and Naruto\u2019s face drooped into even greater dejection than before.<\/p>\n

\u201cYeah, well I\u2019m a bigger idiot than you know. She\u2019s not waiting for me anymore. She\u2019s gone off to the Sand.\u201d<\/p>\n

Sasuke frowned. \u201cI knew she\u2019d gone to the Sand for a time, to train their medics, but that doesn\u2019t mean\u2014\u201c<\/p>\n

\u201cShe\u2019s got a boyfriend there. A top doctor. Brilliant. Handsome,\u201d Naruto grumbled. \u201cTsunade says she\u2019s coming back, but I don\u2019t think she is. She didn\u2019t see them together.\u201d<\/p>\n

Sasuke frowned. \u201cI have a hard time believing\u2014\u201c<\/p>\n

\u201cNah, I\u2019ve been an ass,\u201d Naruto said soberly. \u201cRunning away? Not putting myself out there \u2014 was that what you called it? I think I was doing that. I partnered up with Team 8. But I think I maybe I was just hiding out with them. Glomming on,\u201d he said ruefully. Naruto pounded a fist into his hand, frustrated. \u201cIn the end, I was the one who finished off our team! Not you!\u201d<\/p>\n

Sasuke started to speak but Naruto waved him off.<\/p>\n

\u2018You\u2019re right.\u201d Naruto pulled out the folded up letter from his back pocket. A crumpled pink note fell out of the crease. Naruto opened it and smoothed it out. \u201cMy goal was to get you back, then we\u2019d all be happy. I guess I\u2019ve changed too. Having you back meant that I\u2019d have to give up Sakura\u2014\u201c He closed his fist around the little note. \u201cBut I\u2019ve lost her all on my own too. I\u2019m such an idiot.\u201d<\/p>\n

Sasuke was quiet, sensing there was more. Naruto sighed. He closed the note up in his fist.<\/p>\n

\u201cSo how do you do it? How do you straighten everything out? How do you find a new path after you\u2019ve hit a dead end? How do you find a new\u2026\u201d Naruto\u2019s voice trailed off for a moment, realizing he was grappling with exactly what Tsunade said Sakura had, \u201cpurpose<\/i>?\u201d<\/p>\n

Sasuke tipped his head, his eyes soft. \u201cYou go back to the beginning. Start over. Like unraveling a sweater. Go back to the beginning. For me, I didn\u2019t know I was going to come back to Konoha. I just wanted to find you. That was enough.\u201d A crooked, almost sheepish smile appeared on Sasuke\u2019s face. His cheeks tinged pink at the confession, making him look like a boy again.<\/p>\n

His smile made a warmth bloom in Naruto\u2019s chest. Sasuke was being honest, and Naruto felt connected to him in the way he\u2019d been searching for all along. Deep down, their bond of friendship was still there. Time had not dimmed it. Maybe this was what he meant by starting over.<\/p>\n

\u201cSo I go back to the beginning,\u201d Naruto repeated.<\/p>\n

Sasuke nodded. \u201cFind the things that you<\/i> want. Not what you want for others. Start there.\u201d<\/p>\n

Naruto stared into the fire, mulling over the words.<\/p>\n

\u201cYou want to be Hokage,\u201d Sasuke continued. \u201cYou always have. And that\u2019s not a team effort. That all on your<\/i> shoulders. So keep going for it. Do everything to be the best Hokage Konoha\u2019s ever seen.\u201d<\/p>\n

A frown line creased itself into Naruto\u2019 forehead. Doubt preyed on him. \u201cYeah, but maybe I\u2019m not good at doing this\u2026. Telling other people what to do and all. Maybe it\u2019s too much for me. Look at what I did to my own team\u2026. Maybe I\u2019m just not cut out for being a Hokage?\u201d<\/p>\n

But Sasuke looked calmly back. He didn\u2019t laugh or pity or tease. \u201cNope,\u201d he said firmly. \u201cThere\u2019s nobody better for it. You don\u2019t give up, and you protect anyone who needs protecting. It drives you to find a way when there isn\u2019t one. I didn\u2019t think I\u2019d ever be able to come back. But you made a way for me. Because you didn\u2019t worry about what any one else thought. And that\u2019s what you have to do when you\u2019re Hokage. Be responsible for your own actions. No one else\u2019s. The rest will work itself out.\u201d<\/p>\n

Naruto blinked, hearing Tsunade\u2019s words again in a whole new way. His friend really had changed, and Naruto looked at him, astonished.<\/p>\n

\u201cThat\u2019s really, uh\u2026deep<\/i>, man.\u201d<\/p>\n

Sasuke chuckled. \u201cI\u2019ve had some time to think along the way.\u201d<\/p>\n

Naruto breathed deeply, feeling like the sun had risen inside him. He had purpose again, something to work towards. He remembered being a kid, and wanting to be Hokage so badly he could taste it, and now, with Sasuke\u2019s support, it seemed like the goal was within reach again after it had been lost for so long\u2014<\/p>\n

\u201cSo Sakura\u2019s gone off to the Sand,\u201d Sasuke began and Naruto suddenly slumped, remembering that not everything was so clear cut in his life. Sasuke laughed. \u201cWell\u2026are you just going to let her go?\u201d<\/p>\n

Naruto shrugged. \u201cIf she\u2019s happy then\u2014\u201c<\/p>\n

\u201cShe\u2019s not happy, I\u2019m sure of it. I know how she feels about you\u2014\u201c<\/p>\n

\u201cYou do?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cYou do too,\u201d Sasuke said in his you-really-are-an-idiot tone of voice.<\/p>\n

\u201cYeah, I suppose I do.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cYou need to go to her\u2014\u201c<\/p>\n

\u201cBut what if you\u2019re wrong? Her feelings changed after you left and\u2014\u201c<\/p>\n

Sasuke shook his head, smiling. \u201cShe said she thought maybe she always cared for you, even from the beginning. She was just too stubborn to see it.\u201d He laughed wryly. \u201cSound familiar?\u201d<\/p>\n

Naruto laughed too, feeling better all of a sudden.<\/p>\n

\u201cYou need to go to her. Tell her you love her and you want another chance. Start there. Don\u2019t hide anymore. Put yourself out there.\u201d<\/p>\n

Naruto nodded, slowly feeling more sure of himself.<\/p>\n

\u201cPeople change. Even you, dumbass.\u201d<\/p>\n

Naruto flopped back on the ground beside the fire circle, partly because he wanted to stretch after sitting for so long, but mostly because he couldn\u2019t hide the blinding smile that broke across his face.<\/p>\n

Beside him, Sasuke laughed, seeing right through his friend\u2019s actions. Naruto laughed too, warmed by the fire, the sound of Sasuke\u2019s laughter, and the knowledge that for the first time in a long time, he felt like part of his team again. His own team. Nothing had been lost. The shadowy bleakness that had gripped his soul for so long faded away into nothing, unable to exist in the penetrating beams of hope dawning inside him.<\/p>\n

Now he just had to smooth things over with Sakura.<\/p>\n

He opened up his hand to see the crumpled pink note and held it up in front of his face. He tenderly unfolded the wrinkled corners. Her words still called to him.<\/p>\n

\u201cHey I\u2019m worried about you. I haven\u2019t seen you for so long. I miss you. Come find me when you get in.\u201d<\/i><\/p>\n

In his mind, he answered her. I will, Sakura. I will.<\/i><\/p>\n

He thumbed away the smudges of dirt from the note, and began planning his next journey \u2014 to the Sand.<\/p>\n

\n\n\t<\/div>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Shattered Bonds 13 \u2014 Finding Sasuke, Again \u00a0 Author’s Note: I don’t know if I’ve published early copies of this story here or not (looking back through my posts, I don’t think I have) but here’s an early copy of the next chapter! I’ll post it on ff.net on Friday. Enjoy! Naruto\u2014 I hope you […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-1018","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-uncategorized","has-post-title","has-post-date","has-post-category","has-post-tag","has-post-comment","has-post-author"],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/p5hctF-gq","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/swirlingpetals.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1018","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/swirlingpetals.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/swirlingpetals.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/swirlingpetals.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/swirlingpetals.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=1018"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/swirlingpetals.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1018\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":3178,"href":"https:\/\/swirlingpetals.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1018\/revisions\/3178"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/swirlingpetals.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=1018"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/swirlingpetals.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=1018"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/swirlingpetals.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=1018"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}