Voice in the Wind – 35 Preview

Chapter 35 Preview – Please forgive any typos, etc.

Sakura knew Tsunade was locked in a closed-door meeting. That’s why she chose this day to deliver her mission scrolls. She’d drop them with Shizune, and buy herself a little more time….

Outside the office, Shizune smiled at Sakrua’s approach. Sakura handed her the passel of scrolls, but Shizune waved them off and opened the door instead. Sakura looked uncertain, but Shizune ushered her in.

“They’re just wrapping up,” she assured.

Sakura ducked inside, hovering by the door for a moment. A few of the men turned back, acknowledging her. But the rest of the shabbily dressed men were too involved with pressing their own causes to notice the addition.

These were representatives of the Fire Country, men who came from the towns and burgs and dusty intersections of the most far-flung corners of their country. They were all concerned, had all heard rumors or seen shinobi moving silently through their lands, slipping out to fortify the borders, and they wanted answers.

Tsunade’s sat at her desk, eyebrows pinched together in anger. She was listening to the complaints of a stocky man in well-worn robes that Konoha’s nins were stealing from their food stores.

Sakura felt Tsunade’s indignation — no self-respecting Konoha shinobi would ever steal from his own countrymen.

But perhaps there was more to the story.

The Hokage was pouring over every scrap of information, including mission scrolls. Just the fact that she was giving these men, some of them no more than farmers, a chunk of her afternoon was testament to that.

Tsunade leaned forward on her elbows suddenly and gave the man in front of her desk a long, hard look. “And you know that it’s Konoha nins? You’ve seen them? With you’re own eyes and can give me a description? Of any kind?”

The man’s round cheeks went red. His hands disappeared into the sleeves of his old robe. He stumbled over a confession that no, he hadn’t actually laid eyes on the person. Just heard a rumor.

Tsunade rolled her eyes and bit back an obviously scathing remark. Sakura thought she was exercising much more self-control than she would have if it were a room full of shinobis

The Hokage stood. The men’s chattered quieted. “Thank you, gentlemen, for making the journey into Konoha. Hopefully it has allayed some of your fears.” There was a low rumble of dissent, but she spoke over it. “I will look over the reports closely. If you have more issues, send them by messenger—“ The men closed in around her desk before she’d finished speaking, each trying to snag her attention.

Sakura thought this was the best time to drop off her own mission scrolls, then get out. She quick-stepped around the slower moving civilians and to the back edge of the desk where she knew the mission basket sat.

“Sakura,” Tsunade mouthed over the bustle. “A word, please.”

Caught, Sakura simply bowed and moved to wait at the edge of the curving room until the last man left.

Shizune must have been waiting outside, counting them as they went, because as soon as the last one was out – the stocky one who was dallying over a few more unsolved crimes — she stepped inside, locked the door and sagged against it.

No one spoke into the sudden silence.

Tsunade rubbed a hand over her forehead, and waved for Sakura’s scrolls.

She accepted them with a quiet “Thank you,” flipping through them quickly. Sakura knew she was cataloging the information in order of importance to go over later. Not for the first time was Sakura impressed that Tsunade could keep it all together, the running of a city and a country. But she did.

Sakura hoped she might still be able to escape. “Tsunade-sama, if there are any questions on any of the scrolls—“

“Sakura,” Tsunade said, sitting back from her desk and starting to unwind, “I’ve missed seeing you on Fridays. You aren’t delivering the hospital scrolls anymore.”

Sakura cringed. Caught. Tsunade knew she dropped out of shift rotation at the hospital. “I’ve been with Team 7 lately. You know…missions, training….”

Even as she said it, Sakura knew her answer sounded like the weak excuse that it was. She had been avoiding Tsunade, the hospital, all of it, just so she wouldn’t have to answer questions.

Tsunade looked as if she saw right through her.

“Sakura, I noticed your name was not on the med-nin roster. And I was wondering if there was a reason….”

Sakura sighed. Shizune excused herself from the office, which didn’t make Sakura feel any less trapped than she already was.

Rubbing her hand across her neck in an uncharacteristically nervous tic, Sakura searched for the words to explain how she felt, even though she wasn’t completely sure.

“I’ve just been busy with my team. I guess that would be the best way to put it….”

How else could she put it? Say that the thought of returning to medic work hung over her like an execution? That she no longer wanted to mend wounds and babysit the injured…. Now she wanted to draw blood and make others feel pain for a change.

Sakura felt terrible for turning her back on the skills she trained so long and hard at. And Tsunade was bound to be disappointed, which made her feel even worse. But she couldn’t go back. The thought of spending another shift in that hospital was like choking off her air.

So she’d buried herself in her missions and training until she figured it all out. Her team had found some common ground and was making great strides. But for Sakura, Team 7’s success had come at a cost. She’d abandoned her medical career. And she couldn’t say whether she’d ever go back.

She didn’t know how to tell her mentor who had always believed in her, that she no longer believed in herself.

“Sakura, you are the finest medic I’ve ever met,” Tsunade said and Sakura dropped her gaze to the floor. “And it’s been my pleasure to watch you grow as a student. Your chakra control is a thing of beauty. What others work so hard to coax out, you do just on instinct. It’s a rare gift—“

Sakura didn’t look up. She couldn’t bear to hear anymore. And somehow, Tsunade understood.

“But I know how you feel. I’ve been where you are,” she said quietly, then stood to look out the window behind her. “Sometimes when you lose someone, it takes a while to get over it.”

Sakura looked up in confusion, but Tsunade’s thoughts were far away. The blue light of the Konoha reflected on her face, casting shadows in the fine lines at the corners of her eyes and mouth and making her years show in her face.

“There was a time….” Tsunade bottom lip trembled at some memory, but she cleared her throat and continued. “There was a time when just the smell of a med-kit would make me vomit. And the sight of blood—“ She shuddered, then breathed a humorless laugh. “Well, let’s just say I stayed away from it — from healing, from shinobi life, even from this village —for a very long time. And it took half the village being destroyed for me to wake up and come back.”

Sakura blinked, remembering Tsunade’s return, and how her strength helped resurrect the village after the death of the Sandaime. She didn’t realize Tsunade was resurrecting herself as well.

“I understand, Sakura. I really do,” Tsunade said, turning back to her. “Take some time. Stay with your team. But don’t wait too long. Being a med-nin, a healer, is who you are. And it’ll catch up with you eventually, no matter how hard you run from it.”

Sakura didn’t know what to say. It didn’t make her feel better, not completely, but it was a relief.

“Stay with them. For now,” Tsunade said, kindness in her voice. “I won’t add your name back to the medic roster.”

Still in disbelief, Sakura dipped her head for an unsteady bow. “Thank you Tsunade-sama,” she said, closing her eyes.

If her medic life was a like a sentence, then she’d been given a pardon. “Thank you,” she breathed.